Introspection | Sincere Friendship Interactions

Today, I heard from a friend of mine who'd been out of the country for a while--he messaged to let me know that he's back. And because I'm incredibly naive sometimes, I thought that he meant to tell me this so that we could organize a dinner of some sort or hang out and catch up, finally--we haven't seen each other in almost a year; August 2011 was the last time I'd seen him, at an event that didn't go too well (although the music was excellent). 10 months later and I am definitely expecting some quality time or at least the want for it.

So, I get this message (via Facebook, nonetheless) and I ask what he's got going on, expecting an invite to dinner or to hang out--and he says, "I'm joining this competition thing, can you help support me at an event tomorrow evening?" And wow. I'm not saying that I don't ask my friends for help, I do but not like that--it felt like someone making a cold call, like in networking or marketing and that is something that offends me. There was no care whatsoever for what the other person was going through, or no desire to find out what was happening on the other end of that conversation. And I guess it's alright, people get busy--I myself am not the best person at catching up or making time but I don't think I'm ever rude or hurtful unless threatened. Hay. It's just so sad, I guess.

Thinking back, thinking of you

The whole day I've been in a very introspective mood--I've been thinking about the way that things change and how people grow up without really noticing. People say not to live in the past but to some extent I don't think we can help it. We live in mini-pasts, it's all we have. We can't be aware of the present. There's always that millisecond lag. I have the sneaking suspicion that if we could see the ourselves fully in the present, we would go insane. 

Am I making sense? 

I've been thinking of quitting my job. To the dear people I've met through blogging or who don't know me personally, I guess I should let you know that I work for our family business. I'm a Marketing Associate and I'm my brother's assistant. I file papers, make calls and do all of these pointless things. The difficult thing about working in a corporation that your family owns is pressure not just to be good at what you do--honestly, that doesn't present much of a challenge as my job isn't very challenging--but to love what you do. Because this million-peso business that rose out of your parents' blood, sweat and tears feeds you and your siblings, you feel obliged to love your job. But the thing is this: I hate my job. 

Every Tuesday, Wednesday & Friday (I go to school Mondays & Thursdays) that I'm here, from the minute I clock in up until 5:29 pm, I am counting down until 5:30 pm, when I can leave. I don't think I'm made for this kind of work. And I won't pull the whole "corporate work is so dull blahblahblah" 1st-world-person crap on you. The thing is, I know I'm lucky to be employed and it really does help but I'm just not happy. And I hate being in the middle of family arguments, especially when it is about business--something that I couldn't care less about.

Every minute I'm here, I think about the other things I could be doing--out thrifting for the store, or at home writing, taking photographs, cooking, anythihng--and most (even studying for Chemistry) of those things sound way more appealing to me than being here and calling clients and repeatedly being bossed around. 

And so, I've come to the decision to quit my job at the end of April. I need a fresh start and I need to be brave. I want to focus on the store and this blog and filling my life with adventures

--adventures that I can dedicate my time and energy to, fully. I like running around and being busy, but only for things that I know I like doing or things that make me feel like I've contributed something to people--like literally running around Metro Manila delivering clothes, for instance. And I just don't feel that here. I am sitting put for 24 hours a week, doing what?

Anyway. :)) Have you guys ever experienced anything similar? Talk to meeee!