The Christmas/Birthday Curse

I have a very bipolar relationship with the December Holiday season. On one hand, it was the absolute best time when I was a kid and that kind of conditioning is hard to rid yourself of: Because both my mom and I have birthdays near Christmas, she made sure that when I was growing up I never (at least not from her) experienced the Christmas/Birthday curse where you only get one thing for both your birthday and Christmas. So, yeah--up until I was 9, it was the greatest time of the year ever. 

But things change and you get older and you realize that part of being an adult is dealing with disappointment; your parents realize this too and so the wishlists shorten and then there is no more stuffing of the throw pillow up Dad's shirt and then no more treasure hunt for little enveloped goodies on Christmas morning and then you only get one gift for Christmas/Birthday, given to you unwrapped because there's no more time and we're all adults anyway. It's not so bad except that you start to wonder why it is you're still always so excited once Jose Mari Chan starts serenading the mall halls and why the smell of wrapping paper still makes you happy. The balloon of excitement gets bigger and bigger and is usually met with the sharp needle of disappointment, right when you least expect it: with rushing to church and a family argument and tension you could cut with a knife and a debate about religion and someone going on and on about existentialism while someone else starts dissecting which part of the Bible said what. And upsetting as that is, you still can't forgive yourself for acting like a spoiled brat and being pissed off at people when you should know better. Holidays like this should be about enjoying time together.

 It's always a struggle for me to frame my attitude toward Christmas correctly--excited enough so that I still look forward to it but grounded enough so that I am not severely disappointed or upset if there is an argument or if things don't go perfectly. And this year is pretty good. :) I was expecting the worst--if you read my End of the World entry you'll know what I'm talking about, exactly--and I was scared to get my hopes up but today went very well and is going very well. :D I can smell the ribs being grilled downstairs, I can hear my niece asking for chips from my Dad and my Dad going "No, that's bad for you," and then eating a handful for himself. I can smell the wrapping paper from the little Santa bundle I fixed up for my family and I'm staring at two new titles making themselves at home on my alphabetized bookshelf; my mom got me two gifts this year: a couple of books I really, really wanted. :) She gave them to me unwrapped, fresh from the bookstore and she said "Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday, my dear." That really meant a lot to me. :D

Plus while Keav couldn't spend Christmas here, he did stay over from the 21st up until yesterday so we got to spend a lot of time together, making wishes, sipping on caffeine, telling jokes and re-watching Lord of the Rings. Merry Christmas, everyone! :D I do hope this year is great for everyone!