Introspection | Sincere Friendship Interactions

Today, I heard from a friend of mine who'd been out of the country for a while--he messaged to let me know that he's back. And because I'm incredibly naive sometimes, I thought that he meant to tell me this so that we could organize a dinner of some sort or hang out and catch up, finally--we haven't seen each other in almost a year; August 2011 was the last time I'd seen him, at an event that didn't go too well (although the music was excellent). 10 months later and I am definitely expecting some quality time or at least the want for it.

So, I get this message (via Facebook, nonetheless) and I ask what he's got going on, expecting an invite to dinner or to hang out--and he says, "I'm joining this competition thing, can you help support me at an event tomorrow evening?" And wow. I'm not saying that I don't ask my friends for help, I do but not like that--it felt like someone making a cold call, like in networking or marketing and that is something that offends me. There was no care whatsoever for what the other person was going through, or no desire to find out what was happening on the other end of that conversation. And I guess it's alright, people get busy--I myself am not the best person at catching up or making time but I don't think I'm ever rude or hurtful unless threatened. Hay. It's just so sad, I guess.

I'd just been talking about spreading the love and then this happens and it's so disheartening. The thing I miss most about being 18 (and there isn't a lot, trust me) is being able to have goddamn sincere friendship interactions--being able to sit somewhere with someone and talk to them about who they're seeing or who they like and ask them how their day went without thinking about the favor you need from them or being asked to answer a survey or help anyone out with work. It's tiring. Trizh is reading this book by Jonathan Franzen where he talks about love as a commodity and how the reason why so many of us are unhappy is that we've managed to commodify everything--love, friendship, ourselves, other people. And I have to agree with that. More and more, I've been narrowing down my circle of friends to people who I know hang out with me because they want to hang out with me and not because they're looking for a vote or a feature or free passes to something. 

Princess Jasmine was right about one thing (among a plethora of things, I'm sure): I am not a prize to be won; people aren't prizes or objects or cases that you can just throw around. Everyone can be an asshole but it doesn't take that much effort to try and not be one, I've found. And that's saying a lot, considering the way that I used to think which was very Breakfast At Tiffany's--care about me so I can throw you away. It's just so ineffective and so fake and so damn plastic to be that way. And in a world where that seems to be the accepted aesthetic, I just don't know how to behave sometimes. I feel like I'm pretending to be juvenile (and hence, actually being juvenile) saying that "that's life" to something like this because I don't believe that. I don't believe that we're all prey or slaves to some collective need or predisposition to be insensitive. I think caring and authenticity are less feelings and more acts of cognition--you decide to go out of your way to talk to someone, you decide to phrase things in a decent manner. Hay. Anyway.

Apologies for the rant.