Tagged: Subtle Things Challenge

A friend of mine, who is reluctant for me to reveal her identity and have her cyber-identity discovered, tagged me in the "Subtle Things" challenge that she did on her blog. 

She was talking about how people change and how sometimes it is so subtle that we fail to notice it or pinpoint where the change began. Furthermore, it affects what we write and blogging will always be a testament to that. I really wanted to participate in this tag because I think I've changed a lot over the past year-or-so. 

The challenge instructions are as follows:

1. List down three old blog entries, containing a short excerpt from said entries.

2. Explain why this entry is/was relevant to you.

3. Pick one thing that you know now that if you had known it then (at the time the entry was written), would've changed your life and how it would've changed your life.

Before this blog went up, I'd been blogging for years--since 2004, if I'm not mistaken. But the blogs was always private and introspective (and back in highschool, very angsty, so thank god) and I deleted them (so don't get any ideas hahaha) so it'll be difficult for me to do this challenge. Instead, I'll post photos from the previous year and talk about the event(s) on which they were taken.

1. November 19th 2011

This was taken at Trish's house last November; we were having one of our Sangria nights and it was very, very fun. We were hanging around, having a good time and decided to go eat at the Shawarma Snack Center afterwards. We also went on a joyride and started yelling "Merry Christmas" at passersby. Very, very fun night.

Another interesting about this day was that prior to heading over to Trish's place, I was online chatting with Keavin. This was the day that he first asked me out. :)) And also the day his phone got PUK-ed so when I texted him that yes, I would go out with him, he had no idea. 

Something I know now that I had known it then, would change my whole life: Sometimes it's alright to let people go. At the time, I was also feeling guilty about a friend of mine who stopped talking to me--he has kidney dysfunction and the whole thing was a messy, messy endeavor. And he'd made it clear that he didn't want to be my friend or talk to me anymore but I was still holding onto my guilt. I felt like it was my fault, still, our falling out. But the thing is it always, always takes two to tango; even when the tango is one of destroyed friendships and broken hearts. Sometimes it's alright to let people go. I wish I'd known this earlier, I think I would've been happier. And I'm glad I realized that, definitely. People rub off on each other and sometimes certain friendships and relationships just aren't good for the people involved. In any case, I am glad that I know this now. :) And I am so glad that I gave it a shot, then. Who knows how I would be now if I hadn't gone out with Keavin? If I had stayed home and moped? Self-pity is always, always the enemy.

2. October 30th 2011

This photograph was taken post-Jason Mraz's Manila concert. That concert really, really helped me get through well, a lot of emotional turmoil that I was feeling at the time--not just with relationships but also what I was doing with my life; it's difficult to be someone who's still in school not because of academic failure but because of organizational involvement and setbacks of the academic flowchart (pre-req, pre-req, pre-req). I love how Jason's persona is able to resonate. I also love that he is very, very human. He told us during the concert that he was a tad shocked at how huge the venue was and how many people were there and that was wonderful of him, I think. Very, very honest. 

with Trish at Ate Audrey's birthday celebration

Something I know now...: Desire is never wrong--just because you don't get something you want, doesn't mean that you wanting it was wrong. I am not very good with disappointment, although I think I'm better now than I used to be. I used to feel stupid every time things went differently than I wanted them to, like I'd been stupid to hope that things would go my way. I'm sure that everyone can relate to that; everyone's been disappointed once or twice in life, at least. But yeah, since then I've learned that while it's difficult, it's better to know that you can want things even if it is painful when you don't get them. And had I known it then, I probably wouldn't have cried while singing along to "You & I Both" (so sue me). But I regret nothing. No-thing. 

3. May 2011 (can't remember the date)

This was taken along Espana last year--outside Manong Taho's, if I'm not mistaken. At the time, Marz (left-most) and I were living in Taft and it was a very odd time for us. The loss of structure is odd. Marz & I have been bestfriends since gradeschool and are both from the very, very secluded infamous Alabang village (you can guess which, I'm sure) and so being out there was pretty crazy for us. Suddenly, we could stay out as much as we wanted and while I learned a lot, I think the next time I move out, I'll be able to be less...crazy and live my life properly. Anyway, these were during the latter days of our stay in Taft. Good memories.

Something I know now...: It isn't just about liking someone or liking yourself, it's also about loving the life you're living. See, at the time I was in a relationship with someone who, no matter how much I tried to make myself see in a certain light or really fall in love with, I just couldn't. It didn't feel right. And not that I didn't like him well enough, he was a pretty alright guy--he didn't hit me or anything (which is more than I can say for some people haha), but there just wasn't anything there. We would just always go out and eat. That's it. We couldn't talk about anything, really. It was so boring. And I was becoming someone I didn't like: someone who didn't think a lot and who would just always be out and well, not doing anything wit her life. I sometimes think about what if I'd found the courage or had the sense to open up the store or this blog earlier--but things come in their own time, sometimes a bit early, others a bit late. So yeah. :)

I'm definitely interested in what you have to say so I'm tagging everyone who follows or reads this blog to do this tag as well! :D