Knowing is a curious thing because it seems to be what everyone wants--but what no one ever really has. People (not cats, haha) are always being killed by curiosity--we always want to know things, even at the price of hurting ourselves. The desire to know seems, at times, an instinct stronger than that for survival. We pry and we scout for secrets and we hunt for evidence even if we know that what we find could kill us (whether it be emotionally, socially or well, literally)--a picture still kept in a wallet, a phone number kept under a false name, whatever.
Most of the time, I opt to try and accept that there are certain things that I shouldn't know about: while (or perhaps because I am) by nature a fool for knowing every single detail about every single thing (books, history, clothing brands, bands, fandoms), I try not to let it get the better of me and tell myself to get a chill pill whenever I get crazy. I have bouts of paranoia sometimes when I over-think and it's terrible. I think about us, tiny beings inside a tiny sphere floating in the middle of nowhere, held in place by--well, an invisible force. Ack. Crazy.
Today, however, I felt certain (there was knowing) about three things and I am grateful for these things indeed:
1. Love is love is love is love. Keav & I got matching rings today (or not matching, but you get it--he has one, I have one) and that was really nice. I'll quote The Beatles and say, "I've been in love before and I've learned that love is more than just holding hands." Keav and I have both been through lots of past relationships and were on the brink of giving up on these things when we met each other. And I've never been happier. It's cheesy but I'll say it: once you meet that one person, you do realize why all other relationships didn't work out. Not that the other people were bad, they just weren't the person for you. <33 And even if in the future, death inevitably takes us from each other (I like to be realistic about these things--everyone dies) I am just happy (ecstatic) that we found each other. So Keavin, I know you have no internet but I love you, you crazy mad scientist, you! <33
[forgive the webcam photography, my camera is out of batt]
2. There's not a lot I wouldn't do for my friends. One of my bestfriends Kiki's lolo died today. :( So very, very sad. She's giving the eulogy this weekend and while I was all set to head up the mountains to Sagada this weekend I decided to cancel (thankfully, Murph & Kim understand--thanks, girlies) and stay with Kiks instead. I also had dinner at The Plantation in Makati with Marz & Ina today, which was lots of fun. And equally as nice as knowing that people care about you is knowing that you care about people. :) I love my friends very much and that is one thing that I do know. Gone are the days when we'd see each other everyday but that doesn't have to change things. I love you, mi amigas + amigos!
This is an attempted hug for Kiki (although fail, cause I used the other hand to "cllck")!
I'll see you on Saturday, Kiki. :* All my love!
3. I'm pretty damn patient. While my mother would argue otherwise, I really am a patient person, I think. Unless in dire need of something (like if I have to go to the bathroom or whatever) I don't mind waiting, as long as I know that whoever I'm waiting for wants me to wait for them. :) I spend most of my time waiting--today, I waited for Olivia so we could meet, then waited for Keav to get out of work and waited for Ins & Marz to get out of work. :)) It's nice to know that at least in a certain sense, I am not restless. :D I can't stay home but I can stay put long enough to meet up with the people I love. My ex-boyfriend Robert told me the day we broke up to always pick people over things and he's always been smart. Life's what you make it and while you do go through it alone, it's nice to know that certain people are worth waiting for. :D
Much, much love thrown everyone's way! I hope everyone's having a good week, so far.
