The Through The Years Tag!

I realized today that I've become a completely different person than I was say two, or three years ago. On one hand there are certain things that I hate about myself, now--I hate that I've become socially inept; I feel extremely uncomfortable talking to strangers nowadays whereas I used to be able to make friends just like *that* in the past. I hate that I now spend more time thinking about what to do or what to say as opposed to just doing something or just saying something--it can be extremely tiring and I lose a lot of sleep over petty things like whether or not it's okay for me to buy designer coffee when I can brew some myself or if it's alright for me to borrow a pen from my seatmate if I forget mine or if I should buy one from bookstore at the expense of being late as I deserve it for not bringing a pen to class. 

But also, I think I've become a person that I can respect a little more than 2009 or 2011 me. A little less bubbly and less impulsive or "fun" (I no longer smoke and now always drink in moderation harhar), maybe but I think that the years have sanded me down into a person I can actually live with (at the risk of sounding like I have split personalities). Today, I began trying to not beat myself up for things that spun out of control because of the way I used to be--a little too excited and impulsive about everything. 

HH told me about her time in the States and how she made friends even if she was initially pretty reclusive. Also, she told me about "finding the fine line" in my interactions: in the past, I find that my intentions became misconstrued because I have a tendency to become overly affectionate to people who I like and inversely, extremely exasperated with people who frustrate me. That resulted in a lot of broken heartedness (both on my end and on other people's ends--if that makes sense) and extreme, heart-wrenching guilt that I am still trying hard to ignore. So now, I'm learning to temper my impulses and am re-learning how to gauge people beyond "does this person like me or not and/or do I like this person or not?" and more "how can I best be a good acquaintance/friend to this person?"

On to the tag!

The Through The Years Tag:

I came up with this tag because it seems like a) something fun to do and also b) a great exercise in self-reflection. The tag is simple, really. :)) Look back at the past 5 years and pick a song your present self dedicates to your past self + a teensy message to your then-self; after that tag three bloggers/friends to do the tag! :D Also, you can include pictures of you from the past 5 years + a present photo of you if you like!

2008: [17-year-old me] The Future Freaks Me Out by Motion City Soundtrack

This is a good year. :) You learn a lot of things about being a semi-grown up. Don't be too afraid or anxious about what's going to happen in the future; just enjoy yourself. You go to MOS this year and make a lot of meaningful friendships. :D

Also, don't wear that backless purple dress to your 18th birthday party in December--it is going to make you feel cold, and don't buy that brand nipple tape you'll end up needing band-aids. 

P.S. Your 18th birthday party will be fuck awesome!

2009: [18-year-old me] Hanging By A Moment by Lifehouse

Cheesy song, yes but really, this is a crazy year! A lot of the things you decide this year have you hanging by a moment, indeed. You stay up late and get up early almost everyday! You dissect a brain this year and learn about learning and get your first story published! Not to mention, you become support staff for MOS! 

You also learn how to talk to strangers and how to make friends "outside the classroom". You make a lot of valuable friends this year so don't screw it up. Also, Ondoy happens this year--yeah, go splurge on that LOTR DVD instead of the low-res VCD because there won't be class for a long time.

On a more serious note, be honest with yourself. Don't think about what other people think about the people you value so much as think about what the people you value think. Don't be afraid to tell people how you feel--about projects, about them, about you, about anything. It will save you a lot of trouble.

2010: [19-year-old me] Hard To Explain by The Strokes

You're going to go insane and run for Prose Ed. You are also going to win. Don't let the pressures of editorial life overshadow the other aspects of your life--how good you are at writing doesn't depend on how good you are at talking about it with other people. 

Oh and this summer (the first day of summer class), some kids are going to "surprise" you by hiding in the bushes of McDo. Wear pants that day. You're going to trip and fall onto the asphalt and get pretty severely wounded if you don't. Be nicer to Ms. Bolante. This is your last class under her. 

Spend more time sober. Don't drink the Cuervo. Do things properly. Don't piss of your physics lab prof; he will "lose" your Form 5 and fail you. Also, talk when the call from Japan comes. Don't break your own heart, it's seriously not worth it. Also, don't lose the keychain.

Don't forget to write--don't forget that you're in that org to write, not debate about abstract things that no one quite understands like whether or not something is "technically sound" or whether or not something is considered a post-modern text. Oh and you become very good friends with that crazy Chinese girl who plays volleyball. :D

2011: [20-year-old me] Heart of the Matter by The Eagles

This is so far, the worst year of your life. Don't go out drinking for the new year. Totes not worth it. Just stay home and braid Marz's hair.

This year you lose a couple of people who are dear to you and that sucks balls. You'll spend a lot of your time staring at the ceiling and not knowing what to think about things--yourself included. While I will not disagree with the universe in saying that you've been a right jerk this past year, you'll learn to live with the consequences of your actions. Also, it's alright to care. You spent most of this year trying to run away from things that hurt; it's alright to just stand there and take it. It'll sting, but you need to hear it. 

In the end, a lot of the anguish you're experiencing has to do with forgiveness. You need to forgive yourself for feeling something and not knowing how to express it except through statements that sound like anger and/or insanity. You're afraid of being rejected and the world's done nothing but chew you up and spit you out lately. Also, don't waste your time on someone who cheats on you. And shut up and listen once in a while--both to your friends and to yourself. Lastly, don't write that letter. You don't mean it. Just wait. Patience still isn't your strong suit, but try a bit harder.

Hang in there, this year gets better. :)

2012: [21-year-old me] We Did It When We Were Young by The Gaslight Anthem

This year, you grow up. You stop doing silly things like tackling people and tickling people you don't know. You stop cutting class because it gets boring and you realize that you actually like Chemistry. You write a book. You start a blog that actually has readers. You develop more meaningful relationships. :)

Don't be afraid of taking things slow. I know you like to rush because it makes you feel efficient, but by now you should know that haste really does make waste and it's better to concentrate, a lot of the time. Oh and take Dr. Paano's class, first term pa lang. You don't know how to learn chem without her. xD 

I TAG: Joelle of The Meraki Life, Denise of Simone's Fashion Closet and Isabel of SisaSaid!

If any of you feel like doing this tag, please go ahead and post it anywhere--FB, tumblr, wherever. Links below if you want me to read! :D

And this is you, now: