Stranger In the Sky

Today was exhausting. I think this song--which ironically enough, is not a track available on any of his albums--is my favorite Jason Mraz song ever. 

Who am I? 

We're told to toil at mouth.

Now, louder answer the firmest fist and kisses.

Ask me again how gameshow season never ends,

the same old reason I won't win.

Suspended in this animation

I could use a new vacation.

Aimlessly, the nameless and the faceless go to make up.

Tell me I'm not spending too much time on happy endings--

that my life does not rely on how much love you might be lending me.

Above there's so much I'm depending on remembering more instead.

This is exactly how I felt about today--I'm deeply, deeply exhausted. I'm not complaining about my life: I love my life and I (more than anyone) understand that all the stress that I'm undertaking is self-imposed. I'm in pre-med (for those of you who didn't know) because I like science; even if Chemistry seems to fucking hate me, I do find it interesting. It's difficult and stressful but also extremely fulfilling. 

I don't think you need to know me very well to know that I love writing (if you're on here at all, then I suppose it must show a bit). It's my life--it's what I really want to do and I think today, all the anxiety I've been repressing for the past few months regarding Paperweight coming out and new projects being released just really crept up on me. 

I don't think there was any official announcement or whatever (durrr) but basically, it's my job to make sure that there's work to put out on MoarBooks and that we have events to attend/sell at. I love my job and this is awesome but I think I've finally accepted that I need an assistant. I'm super anal about a lot of things--work being one of them--and I think that's what's kept me from getting anyone to help me out with all the admin stuff but I think once December's over, I will be looking to hire someone. I love working with people and I love helping people find a way to get their work out but I need to write, too. Admin stuff getting in the way of writing time is killing me. I need to finish things and with my biz partner being out of the country, everything sort of collapsed on me--I'm determined to finish my stories that'll be in As Far As the I Can See in time for BLTX, though. I haven't even had time to buy myself new glasses--my eye's blood vessels have constricted, thanks to excessive exertion--and I really need them because even just typing this is making me want to throw up a little. So, yeah. I think I'll do that tomorrow.

Today was very s-h-i-t-t-y for me--I got bullied by the bureau of customs (hi, people who are now a thousand bucks richer than I am) into paying an unexplained sum of P1,150 for a package that I ordered for an amount only a little bigger than that; this happened first thing in the morning and as I was hauling three huge books off to school with me, I couldn't help but feel the gigantic hole in my wallet. I get very easily aggravated by people and I think that's why I make such an effort to put people at ease when I talk to them--especially since I know how violent I can be. Sometimes it's like being a recovering cocaine addict watching people snort pounds and pounds of pixie dust for hours on end. (Bad analogy, I'm thinking?) 

The painting above is by a Vietnamese artist--sadly, his name escapes me but once I find out, I will post it on here. I really love the melancholy that it gives off (or maybe that I've projected onto it). And it seemed to fit today. Not without a brightside though, today was one of the special days where the blackboard exercise my chem partner and I answered was correct. :)) That's enough happy to tide me over until tomorrow, I'm guessing.