I mentioned in an earlier entry that I'm putting out a mini-collection of stories at the upcoming BLTX (December 7th), under MoarBooks and as I was going through things I'd written (both new and old), I felt like As Far As the I Can See just wouldn't be complete without this story. The whole I = Eye idea revolves around how limiting first person can be and how we're all doomed to live life in first person--as much as we (would like to) empathize with people, we never truly, literally feel their pain.
This story got me into a lot of trouble when it came out in 2010 because of that whole dilemma of only being able to see as far as the "I" can see. The MLF-published version of this story was meant to be a silly inside joke between me and a friend (who always seemed to be "falling for the wrong women") but people who read it were blinded by the "I" and certain things about the "I"--him being male, him being a teacher, him being ambivalent + this other thing I won't mention--sort of lent impetus to misconceptions about the story and lead into a downward spiral of extremely awkward, confusing events. Thinking about it now still makes me want to vomit but also I know it was no one's fault, really. I understand how those types of misconceptions could have been made by anyone and I hope those people understand how, propelled by the situation, I felt severe hatred toward them for a huge chunk of that year. But like I said, I am me and those people are themselves and while I understand how that situation came to be, I can only see it from my point of view and a certain (now passive, now watered-down but existing nonetheless) disdain for those people is still there in the same way that I don't expect these people to buy my book without looking for something to dislike.
Anyway. I'm writing this to sort of warn people who've read it before and liked it--Hi, Marz hahaha--that I've decided to eliminate the character of Raki. For a while I thought that I was just tweaking him but in the same way that revising a story is never just changing a sentence or a couple of words, I found myself writing about someone completely new. And this was extremely, extremely refreshing--relieving, almost. I'm excited to see how people (both those who've read earlier versions and those who haven't read a word I've written outside of this blog) will like it. It's definitely way more interesting now, me thinks; it's also nice to not have this tied to that terrible, terrible period in time because while it's hard, given the hell that she put me through (that bitch), I am quite fond of Mindi.
Also, because waiting at the Passport Division Director's office for three hours was absolutely insipid, I found myself working on possible illustrations and things--I filled up about two journal pages with type faces and drawings that I think will make reading As Far As The I Can See worth the readers' time. :)
I'm not sure how I'm going to incorporate this drawing of the eye into the previously planned cover yet, but I do like it. Book mark, maybe? Let's see.
P.S. I know some of you might be curious about what I'm talking about--you guys can read the old, cringe-worthy (seriously) version of After Mindi here or find it in the March 2010 issue of Malate Literary Folio (the one with the nekked woman on the back).
P.P.S. Reading the final product of whatever you've slaved over is extremely rewarding but really, getting there just makes you want to jump out the window sometimes.
