Project: Room (Found Objects Project)

So, I've been away from this blog for--I'm not going to lie--more than a couple of days because between school, writing, exercising, reading and trying to remain a social being there just hasn't been a lot of time. (I've also had one too many Duck Dynasty marathons, I will admit.) But I'm back on today because I thought I'd share a little project that I've been working on: my room.

For the most part, my idea of "cleaning my room" is making it so that I can find whatever I wanna find, ASAP: which means it's all on the part of the bed that I don't sleep on. But yesterday I figured hey, I'm growing up and I suppose it's time to make my room somewhere that I can get serious work (and working out) done, because there's just so much to do and I can't afford the inefficiency of living like a hoarder anymore. So I cleaned stuff up, moved shit around and hung up a lot of art work and found objects. The only things that I bought were the wall hooks from Daiso and mounting tape from Ace Hardware. :) 

 The white towel on the right-hand side of the photo above is where the door is (the towel is hanging on the knob). I decided to put the coffee table/photo pinboard right by the door so if I'm going, I can grab whatever books I need from the coffee table and if I'm getting in from a busy day, I can get a boost of happy energy from the old photos and the bright painting. 

 This is the view from the door/photo pinboard area. Before yesterday's cleaning time, the middle part of my room was occupied by the coffee table so I didn't ever work out in my room. Now I can work out (see the yoga mat beside the bed?) and study and do pretty much anything I want here. 

As I mentioned, this is a Found Objects project, so I decided to use a lot of old things like broken jewelry, extra book covers and things as decoration. :) Click below to see the wall art, etc. in detail!

Something To Do With Struggle

Today was a weird day. I'm glad it's raining. I wasn't feeling too well today, so I decided to stay home. As soon as it started raining, I felt better--my nose cleared up, but also I felt better emotionally. Not sure why, but I'm guessing a lot of people feel that way when it rains. 

As I was laying flat on an exercise mat this afternoon, trying to hold a pose that was killing me softly, I came to the realization that maybe the thing that makes something beautiful or desirable or "worth it" is struggle. You know exercise is effective when you struggle to execute the movement. You know someone is worth keeping in your life if you make the effort to see them and vice versa. In relationships, if you're with someone with whom you don't have to try at all, you get bored and find someone else. If  you're with someone with whom everything is turbulent all the time, it's monotonous as well and you leave, you find someone else.

But if when you see someone, you feel the need to make the effort to be your best, to listen, to interact, then that friendship/relationship/whatever will probably last.

It got me thinking about how maybe the most difficult thing to do is to actually go through life and to struggle for the middle-ground: for normalcy. Euphoria is just floating, depression is just avoiding the fall.

Gravity is struggle. If you float out in space (euphoria), you don't have to exert effort to get anywhere and yet nothing makes an impact either and if you go dive deep enough (depression), you end up just floating as well. With both, you need something--an oxygen tank, a crutch--to survive; otherwise you drown: you either choke on water or on air. What it means to live is to struggle with dying, what it means to have is to struggle with loss. 

The other day, I was reading Breakfast At Tiffany's and what I found beautiful about the book was (sorry for spoiling) that Paul (Fred) and Holly don't end up together. They don't end up together, but it's okay. It's not overly dramatic; the tension is created by them both striving for normalcy (underneath it all) and I found that very touching and both extremely painful and extremely comforting.

And. That's it for today, really. 

Not-So-Quiet Company

I had a really good, tiring day today. My eyes are droopy from reading and my tummy is filled with gas from laughing like crazy for hours, but it was worth it (despite the physics paper I'm cramming, at the moment--evidently, not fast enough as I'm here typing this).

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 Trizha and I hung out at our friend Josel's condo with a couple of other friends because he was having a pizza party--although we ended up leaving before the pizza party, it was still a really good time.

Not much to say since that's really all we did: laugh, read, write (for me), draw (for them), eat, repeat but it what else do you need, really? :)

The Importance of Being Kind

Today was a very, very busy day and even as I'm typing this I can feel my eyelids drooping and my body yearning for my bed, but this was very important to me so I will stay up and write this motherfucker. 

I had a really good albeit tiring day--I slept later than expected last night because some conversations are too engaging to cut short for sleep; that and I drink too much coffee for my body mass. This resulted in a jug of coffee (the problem is self-perpetuating, you see) gulped down on the bus to school this morning (I burned my tongue) and a quick run up five flights of stairs. 

 I've been studying BS Psych for a while now and the thing about the College of Science (COS) is this--they don't shit you. When I was still in OSDM (my course, pre-shifting), I'd never had to fucking study and I was on the Dean's List every term--as with my CLA subjects (BS Psych is a hybrid-course because we have subjects both from the College of Liberal Arts and the College of Science). I really appreciate that the COS bit of my course is so grueling because it's an exercise in discipline: it takes a lot to bore or tire me out, these days. But also, as a result of that gained independence and drive, I've come to expect teachers in COS (or  teachers in general, come to think of it) to be heard-hearted and extremely utilitarian when it comes to teaching. That is, with the exception of the Chemistry Department.

I have a special relationship with Chemistry. We have 10 chem subjects in our flowchart and prior to that I'd already taken 2 chem subjects, so yeah--that beast and I know each other well. I used to have a very love/hate relationship with chem because I felt like it was an unnecessary pain in my ass, not to mention the reason why I've gotten so delayed: I pushed back all my chem units to a separate year so that I could focus on them, which seems to be working. 

But anyway, I digress. I realized today that I've had pretty good luck with chemistry professors as all the ones I've had are people who really care about whether or not you understand what they're saying and who care about their students enough to actually know their names--people who are tough but fair. During today's  first chem class of the term, Dr. Janairo he talked to us about something absolutely unexpected--the importance of kindness. It was something so simple that I couldn't wrap my head around it because it felt like something that we should already know, but that I know we all didn't, to some extent. 

He said this while we were discussing house rules--he told us to be kind to our classmates and to help people out, if they need help. He told us to stop using "well no one is nice to me" as an excuse to not be kind to other people because the whole thing that's wrong with this world is that people expect kindness from the people to whom they were kind; he got very Haley Joel Osment on us and said "Don't expect to be paid back, tell them to pay it forward." He talked about politics and how the whole system suffers from people expecting to be paid back: "I'll run your campaign, build me a vacation house," as opposed to "I'll run your campaign, build these people homes."

He shared a couple of stories with us, about students who out of desperation and absolute aloneness, came to him with problems that had nothing to do with him: poverty, pregnancy, suicide--he talked about how easy it is to say "no" and to say "well, that isn't my problem". But he said that if you can make that teensy difference in someone else's life, then you can probably get through a term of chemistry. If you can be there for someone and pay attention to what they're saying, you can probably sit still and listen long enough to understand mechanisms. He said not to give up on people and to most importantly, never give up on yourself--because that's when you become a real sissy. I found it so refreshing to hear someone say these things in a manner that wasn't condescending and also, wasn't self-righteous at all. He told us that he would make the course as understandable for us as he could, given that we put in the work and put in the time. 

I have high hopes for this term indeed.

There Is Comfort In the Sound

Today the sky down south looks like the underside of a comforter when you've just woken up and it's too early to get up so you just lay there and figure out things you know all the time (almost unbearably so) once you're awake like what day it is and where you are and what it is you're supposed to accomplish today. There's thunder rumbling in the distance and I'm waiting for rain. 

I just got back from bringing Keavin to the bus stop and on the drive back home, I felt something shift inside me, like thunder--goodbye, love I said and found myself headed back home so that I could (as on every Sunday) sit on the fence between the languid weekend and the busy weekdays ahead; I'm standing on the edge of the summer and anticipating the new term--new pencils and notebooks and things to fill my head with. The weather seems to reflect all of this; we're transitioning between rain and shine as well. 

 One of the things about trimestral life that always gets to me is how things are always changing so quickly and at the end of every term you find yourself forgetting both your schedule for the past term and every term since so that you feel like you need to get used to your schedule but at the same time can't remember what it is or was exactly, that you'd gotten "used to" in the first place. It's like you're transitioning into something, from nothing. I hate the first day of class more than anything. And so, yes. Tomorrow's going to be another day of trying to normalize.

Photo c/o Keavin Mutuc

That said, I had an exceptionally good weekend and week. Hopefully some of that good juju carries over, whatever "good juju" means. 

Chemical Dependence

I was almost tempted to call this entry "My Chemical Romance" but I don't think I'm ready to live up to that kind of cheese just yet (not that I don't love me some MCR), so yeah. Today I satisfied my need for a lot of things that I'm chemically dependent on.

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 For instance, I ran out of coffee grinds here at home and had to go to a cafe this afternoon with Keavin because I was getting a headache (I suspected) from not having drank any coffee and damn, that was some good shit. I realized today (not that it was too big a realization lol) that my personality is extremely obsessive/addictive and there are days when I just have to get my fix of whatever it is that I'm craving for (coffee, a cigarette, yogurt). 

 Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of restraint as well: I know that you can't get your way all the time and that if you try and get everything you want, every time you want it, you'll end up fucking your life up but you also hold off for too long and you miss out--and then the pain of restraint isn't worth it and kind of defeats itself. I spent today lazing around my house with Keav and watching Duck Dynasty (good show, I swear), then getting some coffee, spending a couple of hours in the bookstore and then heading out for (the very rare) drinkaritas with my girlfriends (and Keav hahaha).

 We hung out at our favorite Pub (with entertaintment that doesn't disappoint--although I've been going there for ages and every time the band doesn't know how to play Don Henley's Heart of the Matter, which I've been requesting for months) and just had a great time catching up. I'm a pretty straight-up rum or wine kind of girl myself, but I must admit: the occasional skinny bitch drink is definitely refreshing.

At the moment, Keav and I are sitting on the living room floor, waiting for Game of Thrones to download. Sleep < Westeros. Aaand there's another battle lost to chemical dependence. I figure, if it's worth it and you don't die, then go do it. Goodnight, folks! I hope this made sense. :))

About Getting Inked :)

Son of a bitch, life's been busy--the mundane kind of busy where you feel like nothing's happening but also you seem to not have time for anything, really. I've been writing a lot (of fiction) lately and seeing as how school's starting next week, I'm trying to get in as much work done as I can. But I also feel like I owe this blog a little postage so I thought I'd tell you guys about how it was getting my tattoos done. :D 

  

If you've been following me for a while, then you'll know that I have one other tattoo but that this is the first time I'd ever gone to a legit tattoo shop. The first time, my friend Trizha home-made it (good old prison style) with a sewing needle and calligraphy ink. I was a bit nervous this time around, but also I figured that it couldn't be as bad as being poked for three hours for a 2x2 tattoo. And it wasn't! (yay)

I got inked at Wild Ones in BF (Presiden't s Ave) Paranaque. I decided to go to Wild Ones because the guys who own it are good friends of my brothers' and they did a lot of my brothers' tattoos (and my brothers have a lot of tattoos). 

I don't have a lot of photos taken while getting inked because I got the work done on my forearms, plus obviously a certain amount of stillness is required for someone to draw on your skin with a needle. But luckily my bestfriends came with me (because it's always fun teasing someone when they're nervous hahaha) and so I have a couple of pics c/o of Joy Vidad and Instagram. :))

I was tattooed by Mark aka Batas. :) And the design I got done was the one that I posted about here, except that I had it flipped around with the feather points pointing toward me. 

I found the pre-tattooing process super fascinating: they shave the area being tattooed, then put some deodorant on so that the ink from the stencil transfers (like magic, I swear). They then measure it (not sure why) and let the stencil drawing dry. It took about 45 minutes to get both of these done, total. :)

And that's them, done! :) This was taken right after we finished, so it's a bit reddish still. Now it's gone flat and is healed for the most part. :D

Over-all I was very happy with my tattoo experience and will definitely be heading back to Wild Ones for more work done, soon. If you guys want a great tattoo shop with awesome people running it, then you guys should definitely check this place out.

Also, below are some of the questions I got via e-mail, re: tattoos! 

Opening Up The Torture Sessions

Hey, guys! So. I have been terrible at keeping up this domain. And while that kinda sucks, I think it's alright as instead of updating on here about what I'm reading or what I'm wearing on my face, I've been writing a whole lot more (fiction). In fact, I've started a blog for my work called The Torture Sessions which up until now has been password protected. 

I was talking with my friend Noel on FB chat (because that's the new telebabad, methinks) and he said something that convinced me to take down that password and stop being a pussy (the political correctness of this term will haunt me all of tonight, but that is how I feel: that I never want to be a vagina ). I put up the password because I was hesitant about Tumblr: I always feel extremely iffy about Tumblr because it allows people to reblog such a huge amount of creative content. I just didn't feel comfortable about that and it just seems terribly insincere and contrived to begin interaction that is based on people telling you they like something you wrote. I know that sounds silly, but really--I always find myself questioning the nature of people complimenting other people about this and about that and the manner in which that is done. Anyway, before I get too in my head to be coherent to anyone except my irritatingly schizophrenic self I put the password up because I didn't want to impose my work on anyone who wasn't interested in that kind of thing, which is I feel what a lot of people on Tumblr do. I get very pissed off with people talking as though it's a given that people are interested in their work, because it's one thing to go "Hey, do you wanna look at this thing I'm making?" and quite another to go "Hey, fans what's up?" 

But anyway. Yeah, so I was talking to Noel on Facebook chat the other day and asked him about what he thought about the whole password predicament and he said that the thing about the password was that it would probably alienate a lot of people, especially people who might be interested in the work but who don't know me personally because then they'd have to ask for the password and that would feel like they were entering into a social contract with me by viewing my work. And so I realized that in an effort to weed out the risks of posting up work online, I'd actually be removing a lot of the good that might come with that as well. And also, while trying to avoid conceit and shit like that, the password actual comes off way more conceited than just posting up work. 

So. There. I've currently removed a lot of the work I put on there and will be uploading it again in photo form, with a link to a downloadable PDF. :) I'll be putting up two works of small fiction every week, on Tuesdays and Fridays. So. Yeah! I hope you guys will enjoy that. And I'll also try (I swear) and keep this bit of cyberspace in tact. :D I really want to get back into writing some permutation of the Brightside Entries daily, again. So. I'll figure that out. Goodnight!

Tattoo Ideas

Because I just realized that I'm no longer an adolescent, I've decided to finally get myself a legit tattoo. Not to say that the one I have (very hardly labored over by my dear Trizha) isn't legit, but you know what I mean--I feel like it's high time I get something well thought through and not done impulsively (although this isn't to say that I don't still love the sexy bear on my decolletage area, who was born out of sheer impulse and reckless impetuous). :) 

So two Mondays from now, on May 13th I'm going to get this little pretty done at Wild Ones which is an awesome tattoo parlor run by a couple of my brother's friends, Mark aka Batas and Eric. :D I really love the stuff they've done (which you can see on their site) and I figured that this design would be perfect because at this point in my life, a quill is something I'm sure there will be no way, ever for me to regret. Although in general, there aren't a lot of things that I regret anyway.

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I've also decided to begin "investing in my future" and planning out this whole body decoration shenanigan. I spent yesterday looking for different designs and stuff that really appeal to me. :D I've also started a Tattoo Ideas board on Pinterest! So. Yeah. I will get back to writing now. :))

Summer Is All In Bloom

I was hoping to be able to start this blog post with a less cheesy title,but I think the summer heat has truly fried my brains because I just couldn't think of anything else. I haven't posted on here in almost three weeks and that's because I've been busy with first, the Paperweight booklaunch and then finals week and then getting sick and then revamping the MoarBooks site and all the this while recuperating from the most persistent dry cough ever. 

Also, excuses aside, I wasn't quite sure how to talk about the stuff I've been doing without feeling like the most conceited person on earth. :)) I've been really happy lately and talking about happiness always seems to be more difficult than talking about discontent or sadness. But I figure, ah what the hell. It's summer and life's rarely this good so why the hell not talk about it?

The Paperweight booklaunch was a lot of fun and surprisingly, a lot of people came. Not to be self-deprecating or anything, but before events I always get really, really, really nervous because I'm never sure if anyone is going to show up. There are ways of lessening the anxiety but the possibility of you partying all by your lonesome is always, always a possibility. 

Photos c/o Angie Pablo

Also, earlier that week I'd encountered a lot of set-backs re: the launch; there were issues with the printing (let's just say I had to staple all 50 copies by hand hours before show time) and logistical problems with the exhibit and up until people started pouring in, part of me was ready to call it quits and just take my parents to dinner. But people came! And people bought the book and had a good time!

The Smell Before Rain

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So. I haven't updated in ages (or what feels like ages) and I do apologize for that. I have a bajillion beauty products I want to share with you but my camera's broken (why, SD card have you left me behind) so those will have to wait. 

When I was younger, I used to absolutely love when it rained. I used to think that I was a water faerie; and to this day, part of me still believes that. I've never been stranded anywhere during a flood and it hardly ever literally "rains on my parade". Back in 2009, when Ondoy happened I wasn't on Taft or anywhere that flooded; I was at the supermarket nursing a hangover. The rain is more often than not on my side.

And yet I find it difficult to love rainy weather nowadays; it's difficult to forgive the rain for what it's done to homes of people who I care about--or well, people in general over the past few years. It's difficult to love rainy weather when I find myself looking out of the bus window and seeing families huddled under melting cartons. It's terribly, terribly sad. 

It makes me even sadder that I no longer find joy in having it rain. I feel the way I did when NU 107 shut down or when they pulled the old South Supermarket out of Alabang Town Center or when I found out that Baskin Robins was no longer operating in the Philippines. There's this interview of Brian Fallon's that I watched once and he said that there are things we need to bury to cross over into adulthood; given the chance, I'd like to ask him what it means when we miss the things we've long buried? Does that make us less adult? Less mature? Or more mature for not being able to bury our hurts? 

Whenever it rains, now there's a silent panic that wasn't there before 2009. Now we're all wondering, as the rain refuses to stop whether or not our city's drowning, again.

I've been listening to The Rain Song by Led Zeppelin a lot lately. It helps me sleep. That guitar bit is just genius. And Robert Plant's voice is amazing.

The Through The Years Tag!

I realized today that I've become a completely different person than I was say two, or three years ago. On one hand there are certain things that I hate about myself, now--I hate that I've become socially inept; I feel extremely uncomfortable talking to strangers nowadays whereas I used to be able to make friends just like *that* in the past. I hate that I now spend more time thinking about what to do or what to say as opposed to just doing something or just saying something--it can be extremely tiring and I lose a lot of sleep over petty things like whether or not it's okay for me to buy designer coffee when I can brew some myself or if it's alright for me to borrow a pen from my seatmate if I forget mine or if I should buy one from bookstore at the expense of being late as I deserve it for not bringing a pen to class. 

But also, I think I've become a person that I can respect a little more than 2009 or 2011 me. A little less bubbly and less impulsive or "fun" (I no longer smoke and now always drink in moderation harhar), maybe but I think that the years have sanded me down into a person I can actually live with (at the risk of sounding like I have split personalities). Today, I began trying to not beat myself up for things that spun out of control because of the way I used to be--a little too excited and impulsive about everything. 

HH told me about her time in the States and how she made friends even if she was initially pretty reclusive. Also, she told me about "finding the fine line" in my interactions: in the past, I find that my intentions became misconstrued because I have a tendency to become overly affectionate to people who I like and inversely, extremely exasperated with people who frustrate me. That resulted in a lot of broken heartedness (both on my end and on other people's ends--if that makes sense) and extreme, heart-wrenching guilt that I am still trying hard to ignore. So now, I'm learning to temper my impulses and am re-learning how to gauge people beyond "does this person like me or not and/or do I like this person or not?" and more "how can I best be a good acquaintance/friend to this person?"

On to the tag!

The Through The Years Tag:

I came up with this tag because it seems like a) something fun to do and also b) a great exercise in self-reflection. The tag is simple, really. :)) Look back at the past 5 years and pick a song your present self dedicates to your past self + a teensy message to your then-self; after that tag three bloggers/friends to do the tag! :D Also, you can include pictures of you from the past 5 years + a present photo of you if you like!

2008: [17-year-old me] The Future Freaks Me Out by Motion City Soundtrack

This is a good year. :) You learn a lot of things about being a semi-grown up. Don't be too afraid or anxious about what's going to happen in the future; just enjoy yourself. You go to MOS this year and make a lot of meaningful friendships. :D

Also, don't wear that backless purple dress to your 18th birthday party in December--it is going to make you feel cold, and don't buy that brand nipple tape you'll end up needing band-aids. 

P.S. Your 18th birthday party will be fuck awesome!

Old Haunts

Lately, I've been thinking about the things that haunt us--songs that get stuck in our heads long after the actual track's stopped playing, scary scenes that keep us from sleep days after we've left the cinema or that tooth your tongue still looks for despite said tooth having been pulled out months ago.

 Last Monday, I was hanging out with my friend Ron and we were trying to remember his wifi password; after a couple of attempts, he was finally able to get it down just right. He told me that theoretically, our minds retain everything we encounter; but to be able to function properly, our conscious mind just puts everything in storage. If we wanted (or tried hard enough), we could dig it all up and recall almost anything. I learned this back during my majors, as well--certain information is there pretty much forever, all you need is the right trigger to pull it to the forefront of your mind.

The other night, I had a dream about an old friend of mine. I haven't talked to this person in years and in my dream, we were lying in a strawberry field, talking. Despite not having been in the presence of this person in years, in the dream the "friend" talked and laughed and joked around with "me" in a way I didn't even remember I remembered. 

How much is up there that we don't want to remember? How do we keep from having it jump out at us and "ruin everything"? A lot of the time, I suspect that there is no such thing as the freedom of choice--how can there be when we can't even control ourselves? How can we say that we choose this or that when we don't even know truly what it is we're basing our decisions on?

A lot of the time we use the present to justify the past--"if that didn't happen, this wouldn't have happened"--and more and more I'm starting to think that justification is a load of crap. Gaining one thing doesn't mitigate the loss of another because different things mean different things to us, in different ways. I don't think it'd be right to say that a baby being born makes someone else's death less grave. How do we mourn loss, then? How do we find redemption when the very fact that we are in a state of mourning for something or someone already means that we in fact, could not find redemption for that situation?

Beats me.

As I could not--cannot--come up with answers for these things that've been on my mind as of late, I instead decided to record a "duet" of sorts with one of my favorite bands, ever. This song's been haunting me too, recently so I decided to record an additional backing vocal to this awesome acoustic version of this I found online. Music (or art, in general) doesn't solve anything, but I find that it makes things bearable. And so we go on.

You said it was not inside my heart, it was.
You said it should tear a kid apart, it does.

Motion City Hangover of Epic Proportions

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Last night, my bestfriends Marz, Joy and I went to the Motion City Soundtrack concert at the SM North Edsa Sky Dome--and wow, that is how you put on a show. Even as I type this I'm still in shock at how awesome the show was last night--the set list was amazing, the music was amazing, the crowd was amazing. Wow. Wow.

Since I can't seem to find the words to actually describe the show, let me first put everything into context by explaining my MCS history. :)) When I was 16 (I was in college at a very young age--too young, maybe) I used to be absolutely in lurve with this guy who was a drug addict: I'm not even talking just weed, I'm talking powders and bitters and all that. Anyway, on one occasion that was supposed to be a date, I ended up at a let's-get-high session in a stranger's apartment. Druggie Lurve was high and had another girl sitting in his lap. So I hung out with the only other sober person in that room: who surprisingly, was the guy who owned the apartment.

The lights were out and the curtains were drawn so it felt like it was 7 pm even if it was in truth, around 4 in the afternoon. I was sitting on Sober Guy's bed and we started talking about music--at the time I was very, very into The Donnas and The Strokes and Sahara Hotnights and so I ended up pulling out my music player and letting him have a listen. In return, he lent me his iPod and asked me whether or not I'd heard of Motion City Soundtrack. I said I hadn't and he had me listen to The Future Freaks Me Out--I was sold at "I rock too fast for love, I'm footloose in my velcro shoes." 

When I got home that night, the first thing I did was look for more MCS music online and started listening to them non-stop. I fell in love with When You're Around and Hold Me Down and Feel Like Rain and Make Out Kids and L.G.F.U.A.D. and Everything Is Alright. 

Later in 2007, their Even If It Kills Me album came out and so the obsession ensued. My friends and I would sing along to songs like This Is For Real and It Had To Be You while staring at swimming pools (skipping gym) and when getting drunk and while braving the long commute from our University to home. I loved Calling All Cops and Antonia as well because they gave me so much hope that there could be guidance or love from the world--even if it's hard to find. I think that it was David Foster Wallace (or someone who my friend Ron likes to read, I can't remember) who mentioned something about the effect of good art or music or literature having to be two-fold: to comfort the disturbed and to disturb the comfortable. 

I felt a lot of comfort from their albums during points in my life when I felt like I was teetering on the edge of despair. And on days when I feel absolutely mindless or am just in a state of non-thinking I give their latest album Go a listen and suddenly I'm thinking about people again--how could I not with songs like Timelines and Everyone Will Die?

Anyway, I digress. :)) I never saw Sober Guy again and I fell out of love with Druggie Lurve after that but the one good thing I did get out of that very unfortunate period in my life was this band and their wonderful music. 

Last night--from the start of the show (My Favorite Accident) up until the end of it (Hold Me Down), I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. I just couldn't believe that I was there, in the second row watching them play. I couldn't believe that they were real, these people who I'd only ever known from YouTube videos or from music listened to on my headphones. They were real and they were here and could hear us singing along and they knew that we loved their music. :) This made my year, pretty much. Currently re-listening to the entire discography. :D 

Coffee & Friendship

Today was a great day! :) I love Tuesdays because a) no Chem or Trig and b) no Chem or Trig. I spent today hanging out with my friend and former bandmate (check this out for some major embarrassment hehehe) Angie. Most of the time the only person I have coffee with is my laptop/a book/a magazine and it was so much fun giggling about girly things today. We did a lot of catching up and laughed ourselves silly talking about our favorite episodes of Girls Season 2. 

And then we went around and did some window shopping--we swatched our arms silly at Rustan's and PCX; so much fun! I suppose that's one of the things that we take for granted a lot--girl time with our best friends! :D

Hope & All That Jazz

Lately, being online and looking at people's posts and/or posting my own shiz has been a huge challenge for me. I've been thinking about sincerity and literature and Facebook and whether or not people are still willing to listen. There are more than a million blogs out there, more than a million Facebook accounts, more than a million people tweeting about how their days went--is anyone listening? There is so much talking and so much yapping and so much pressure to "like" things that I find no one really takes the time to take a look at anything anymore. And this is why I've been off the web for the past few days.

It made me extremely sad to realize that despite the (overwhelming--thank you , guys) visits to my blog everyday, this blog has failed to do what I started it for--as a means to keep in touch with people who are no longer in my everyday life. While I find people liking things based on the title or the little blurb that I post up on my social media accounts referencing these entries, only a few of those people who like these things have actually read these things. I'm still unsure about what I can do to promote reading again in a time where people would rather scroll through a feed than sit through a story or listen to an anecdote, but I will keep writing. And I will keep reading. To a certain extent, I guess that's all that I can do. 

Writing is a lot like an eating disorder when you're starting out--you think you write to assert the illusion of your freedom of choice when the truth is writing is the ultimate exercise in losing control. You are speaking to someone (everyone, possibly) and you don't know if you will be heard (no one, possibly). Even more than in speech, the possibility for humiliation in writing is huge because a) it is in a medium that can be resurrected (photocopied, re-printed) and b) because writing beyond your diary will always entail tedious care and enormous struggle before you're satisfied with what you've written down (enough to show to other people).

Years ago, when I was initiated into Malate Literary Folio, I remember my editor/friend Akire telling us that the truth is this: no one cares whether you write or not. Most people on campus don't even know about Malate, or don't even read anything that isn't in the "To Read" section of Powerbooks or anything that hasn't been turned into a movie. So if you're writing because you want to be recognized--well, yeah: you might as well stop because that's something you can't count on. Being recognized and making quality work aren't always synonymous.

It's only now, almost 5 years later that I'm realizing how true this is. To a certain extent, I'm sure that we all want recognition but all we can do is the work (make sure we deserve it)-- and whether or not we get the recognition we want is the part that isn't up to us. We just keep working.

Over coffee today, Trizha reminded me that everyone goes through a period of starvation and that we all feel obsolete, sometimes but no one ever got anywhere turning into a recluse this early in life. And so, yes. I think I'll be okay. And yes, Paperweight will be coming out this summer--one way or another.

Bunheads!

I was a little bit reluctant to watch this series because I knew that it was created by Amy Sherman Palladino, who is the awesome woman who also created Gilmore Girls. Now, I grew up with that show--literally, I started watching it when I was 11 and I put off watching the finale until a couple of months ago because I just didn't want it to end yet (crazy, I know)--and so I was super nervous to see whether or not this new show would be as good as that or whether it would be better than that (not sure I could take it hahaha).

But yeah. I finally got up the courage to go and download the pilot episode and I am so, so, so happy! While it is created in the same sort of style as Gilmore Girls, it is extremely different from Gilmore Girls. It's good but definitely a different flavor and that allows me to love it because then it is neither being overshadowed nor overshadowing the favorite show of my adolescence.

This show is wonderful--it's well-written, it's quirky without being irritating (forgive me, readers who like New Girl but I just cannot stand that show), it's sad and it's deeply affecting. Plus, there's lots of wonderful dancing. 

Image via IMDB

The cast is wonderful as well! I shan't spoil, but there are some great GG oldies on here (obviously, look at the photo) along with some other freaking awesome names--hint: if you liked Ferris Bueller, you'll probably like this. ;) I am currently downloading the entire first season! :D If you guys get around to watching this or already watch this, please let me know how you like it!

Human Heart Nature Feature! :)

Hallo, guys. For the most part, today sucked ass--I got up super duper early and had to be in school an hour and a half before my class. After that, my ovaries started acting up and so I took a nap in the corner of my classroom. I passed my chem test but managed to piss my teacher off by asking too many questions and everyone got hot-headed and mlehhhh. I also ended up cutting my second class (for the first time this term, sadness) because my ovaries were giving me a headache and I just wanted to go home. Most days, I try to veer away from what David Foster Wallace called the "default setting"--well, it don't get more default than nature squeezing the life out of you every month so yeah, today was not most days and I ended up on a bus home before lunch time. And as I got on the bus and began to fall into my long-awaited slumber, I felt super guilty and couldn't sleep anyway. So. Yes. Not the best of days.

But there's always a silver lining (yes I liked that movie and am glad it won) and this was today's little sliver of happy: I got featured on the Human Heart Nature page today! :D

This makes me super happy because most days (which we've established today is not, hahaha) I feel like I am writing in a vacuum and I wonder--do people really read this blog? Some days I wonder: are you guys sure there wasn't just some glitch in the system and that the stats that lead me to believe that this blogging thing is an endeavor worth pursuing aren't really someone else's stats? 

Well. Not today! :D 

If you guys haven't already, go like their page and/or check out the review I did on their go-green skincare products here and here! :D Hope everyone is having/has had a great day!

2 Broke Girls: It Just Keeps Getting Better!

Alright. So I'm pretty sure that most people already know about this show and so I'm writing about this more to rave than to really "promote" it. :)) I'm the type of person who barely watches any show past the first season--especially comedies. I just find that with most comedies the jokes get old really fast (I've stopped watching Happy Endings, Portlandia and Raising Hope); it's like they start sticking to a formula of sorts with the jokes and it becomes more about pulling a funny rather than looking into people's lives. So. Yeah.

2 Broke Girls is one of the few shows that I've stuck with (along with Don't Trust The Bitch In Apartment 23) and as I was marathon-ing this today, it hit me why: the funniness of this show comes from two things--either the ridiculousness of situations that they find themselves in or the ridiculousness of how they react to certain situations. The jokes on this show are made to enrich the plot and are made as a manifestation of the characters and their development. :)) They never say anything just so that it becomes the next thing that everyone suddenly references: like "Amah-zing" on Happy Endings and "Awesome" on How I Met Your Mother. 

Photo via IMDB

Plus I think this show just has so much chemistry--Beth Behrs and Kat Dennings are hilarious together and everyone in that diner just pulls it off so freaking well. Back when I was still part of my University folio, our editor used to tell us (she still says this but you get me) that narratives are like cooking--you have to get things just right. And that's what I think 2 Broke Girls has done; the comedy isn't too dry, isn't too slapstick, it isn't too serious but it still works in the daily struggle against poverty. 

If you guys love this show too, then let me know! :) If you haven't seen it yet, please get a'downloading and watch it form the Pilot Episode!!! And if you watched Season 1 and kinda forgot to download Season 2 (which I know happens, teeheee) then please go do it now!!!!!!!! You definitely won't be disappointed. :D Hope you're all having a great day!

Love They Say

Before I get started on this post, I thought maybe you'd like to give the song to which I owe this post's  title a listen; it's really good and one of my favorite songs off of Heartthrob, the newest Tegan & Sara album. :D My favorite lines off of Love They Say are as follows: "Love they say this--you don't need to wonder if love will make us stronger, there's nothing love can't do." :") Cheesy but whatever, it works.

I'm not the type of person who particularly enjoys family reunions just because our family is comprised of a lot of very stubborn people--intelligent but stubborn as f--and sometimes that can be unbearable. But as Keav was staying over and thus, invited to the said reunion I ended up going. :D And it really made my day that Keav agreed to a) come with me all the way to Pampangga for lunch and b) take silly pictures with me on my aunt's front porch! :)

 We took a lot of photos but the others were super goofy (as in, almost not PG-13 goofy) and so I decided these two pictures perfectly summed up how the afternoon went. :)) Above: Keav is doing the grumpy cat meme face as a reaction to the severity of my camwhoring. Below: My boyfriend thinks he's a cat. <3 p="">

I hope everyone's had a good day today and will have an even better day tomorrow. :D To everyone who doesn't have class because of the EDSA Anniv, yahoooooo! To everyone who will still have to head out to work: at least that'll be something fun to complain about. :) Nighty, world!