Details In the Fabric

A good friend of mine came over the other night and we spent some time hanging out outside my house, talking about regret and self-doubt (cheery, I know). It got me thinking about why this time of year always gets me more introspective than usual and what I came up with was this: I think that time overlaps so that certain times in the present are tinted with nostalgia from the past at certain times in the year--like you can be sad on December 21, 2019 and not know why--but that sadness is resonance from December 21st 2010 when your friend died. Time does not move forward--it moves around, like scotch tape winding around a ring of cardboard and winding around itself until there is nothing left.

Sadness resonates. Sadness can be maddening. If it were a substance, I think sadness would be coarse-- thick and viscous like syrup poured on your pancakes as a child or the blood of a diabetic man  And I think sadness is okay. It is difficult to escape but it also tells you how much you've lived--I suppose if one day you became diabetic, it would remind you how much you enjoyed your pancakes. 

I am not too sad tonight but me and my friend's conversation (late reaction, I know haha) did put me in quite an introspective mood. There are more things I don't regret than those I do, but there are days when I suppose you can't help but think about these things--not to wonder about what would've happened if you were a better person, but to wonder if indeed, you are a better person. I hope I am. 

This song really puts things into perspective, I think. 

Are the details in the fabric?

Are there things that make you panic?

Are your thoughts the result of static cling?