Brightside Entry | Clarity

It's amazing how confused people can get about life sometimes. These past few weeks, I've been feeling really uneasy and just a little bit confused about certain things in my life--I'm very concerned with things that I find a lot of people might think are silly (just because they're so difficult and seem like futile attempts). Ever since I was younger, I've been very concerned with meaning what I say. I don't mean that I say everything that I mean (that would cause infinite amounts of trouble) but that I won't say something (or will try not to) unless I absolutely mean that thing. I'd like to be thorough with my explanations and careful with my words but so often this renders me unable to say anything, especially when it comes to matters brought up by people that I don't agree with. And so often that silence is taken for agreement and I berate myself endlessly with you should've said something or you shouldn't have said that and those things can drive a girl crazy. There are also times when I feel uneasy about the success I'm having--not that I'm complaining but honestly, I don't feel like I deserve it sometimes. I know I do work hard and it's not like I just slept and woke up and poof here all this was but I know so many people who seem better at this and who are nicer and sometimes I feel like life is unfair in that respect. 

Now, while I realize that this is kind of bonkers, I do also know that my responsibility as someone who has it easy is to help people out and I hate feeling like I'm letting myself off the hook sometimes when I'm not doing anything. I was talking to Trizha about this yesterday--a sort of survivor's guilt, I suppose. I don't know.

Anyway, today was very restful for me. I opened our latest collection at the store, checked a bajillion e-mails and watched a couple of episodes of Barbie with my niece and it's been very therapeutic. :) I suppose there are times to help others, and other times to just be happy for yourself. I think that's okay.