Introspection | Life Is About Trading

There's been so much action and posting and exciting things happening here lately that I haven't had time to take a breather and write down things that are more on the introspective side. One of the things that Before Ever After made me realize is that life is all about trading things in for other things. More than choices, life is about barter. It isn't just choosing one thing, it's paying the toll and giving some things, people, opportunities for other things, people and opportunities. 

I know how it feels to be traded in--for loneliness, for someone else, for a dream that needed to be chased--and that feels like shit. But also, I thought about all the people I'd traded in for the need to grow and have come to the realization that the only thing that's meant to be is what happens. If something doesn't happen, then it isn't mean to be. The only thing that really matters is manifestation because that is more or less a reflection of what is inside--intent, desire, what have you. People are always talking about should've beens and what ifs but the truth is that most things happen because of something. Like if a woman spends her entire life mourning over the loss of the "love of her life" who she didn't marry because he had no money whilst she stays in a loveless marriage to a rich man then she is in love with the convenience of being rich--at least more so than she is with her ex-lover. Otherwise, she would've stayed with him or found a way out of the marriage.

And I have this one friend who, at his (now) fiancee's request, stopped talking to me. Last August, pre-engagement, he asked me to hang out with him to catch up and trade books (completely platonic, mind you). I arrived at the place to find his fiancee there with him. He said, "I can only stay for a bit. But here's your book." He shoved my book into hands and I realized: this wasn't a catch-up meeting, it was showing her (and me) that he'd made the trade--we could no longer hang out without her there. It was a mini-friendship break up of sorts: "Here are your things, let's not get into why this has to happen." And that stung. But whatever.

This situation has been mimicked lately--except this time maybe closer to home. Not that I mind; friends are great and lovely and precious but in the end it's significant others who we build our lives with. It's our significant others that we marry and we live with. But I suppose all I ask is that people stick to their choices and stop complaining about these circumstances as if it's something being forced onto them. It's okay to state things the way they are.