Introspection | Timeline-evoked Alienation/Nostalgia

While downloading a video compressor program for this new project that I'm working on (which hopefully, you will all see tonight), I've been thinking about Facebook profiles and how interesting this whole Social Media phenomenon is. Especially with the whole Timeline thing that Facebook's got going on now, all this online Social Media networking is a lot like a museum/mausoleum for thoughts, interactions and human life in general. Because I don't want to get morbid, let's stick to the less literal interpretation of that mausoleum bit (although there are people I know whose Facebook profiles I've seen post-mortem)--I've been looking at my past Facebook interactions and it's ridiculous how everything is really kept the way it is, even if the actual friendship or interaction or interest is dead. 

It's morbidly fascinating: it's almost like getting to know a stranger, looking at past FB posts and things that I used to post about/people who used to comment on them, it's so odd. The self-recognition and alienation is so strange. On one hand, you recognize these posts as bits of self-thought; you associate yourself with them because you remember posting them and you remember to a certain extent the kind of life you were living, then but also you feel terribly alienated because you can no longer identify with the sentiments expressed--you remember relating to this once but no longer relate to it. 

These couple of posts from September/October 2009 seem to be examples as to the three trends or three things I found occurred throughout my Timeline that seem familiar but are completely and severely alienating:

1.) Emotive/just cryptic enough statuses

See, back then I was all about posting up statuses with no background context whatsoever, as if assuming that everyone who was going to see that was my close friend. Also, it seemed very in of me at the time to post about how I was feeling without actually revealing why I was feeling that way or what it was I was feeling, specifically. In the post above for instance: why was I going to self-destruct (which I misspelled, 2009-self)? Why did I feel as though I was being starved of fun? 

2.) Songs in place of a cryptic status message

See, now if I post something up from a song it will most probably be because I'm listening to that song. Or if I'm feeling emotive about it, I'll just post up a link and say something like "Totally my song of the moment." But back in 2009, 18-year-old Wina seemed to enjoy picking out her favorite lines and just letting the world guess why she could relate to those lines specifically. And while I still like these songs and still know these songs, I don't know what it was that I was feeling toward those songs anymore, much less who it was I wanted to read these lyrics and why I wanted them to read them.

I don't remember what the first song is but I'm assuming it was something like my thoughts on "Samson" by Regina Spektor or something. And the second one is from The Kooks' Matchbox. Reading both these things are so odd because a) I haven't listened to these songs recently b) I can't remember how I felt but I feel like I ought to, which makes me listen to these things over and over, making up meanings for my past-self.

3.) Updates that are completely obsolete and ended pretty badly (and sadly) but now make you nostalgic.

See, from 2005-2009, I was the drummer for the most unsuccessful albeit promising all-girl group. We called ourselves Zachary Quinto's Eyebrows because we were all crazy for Zach Quinto (both as Sylar on Heroes and Spock in Star Trek) in the I Want Your Babies way, which is now highly inappropriate, it would seem (as Zach Quinto will definitely not want me to have his babies). :)) We're all still friends but it was a difficult dream to say good-bye to, rock and roll or making music. Dreaming is different when you're younger; you really think that things will happen to you exactly the way you want them to happen to you and nothing in the world would make you happier than for that to happen. :)) ZQE broke up early 2010 and it was so hard for all of us. 

However, looking back on this now, I start wondering why did we quit again? And even if I know the answer, I get nostalgic like nothing else. It's so strange to feel that. Not even with break-ups have I ever felt that. But this EP cover makes me feel it, definitely. 

(If you're interested to hear how we sounded like, check out Lambanog on our MySpace Music page--we've also got a couple of other frisky-themed tracks, Want To and Sylar) :))

How does looking at your old posts make you feel? :) Let me know below!