Thinking back, thinking of you

The whole day I've been in a very introspective mood--I've been thinking about the way that things change and how people grow up without really noticing. People say not to live in the past but to some extent I don't think we can help it. We live in mini-pasts, it's all we have. We can't be aware of the present. There's always that millisecond lag. I have the sneaking suspicion that if we could see the ourselves fully in the present, we would go insane. 

Am I making sense? 

I've been thinking of quitting my job. To the dear people I've met through blogging or who don't know me personally, I guess I should let you know that I work for our family business. I'm a Marketing Associate and I'm my brother's assistant. I file papers, make calls and do all of these pointless things. The difficult thing about working in a corporation that your family owns is pressure not just to be good at what you do--honestly, that doesn't present much of a challenge as my job isn't very challenging--but to love what you do. Because this million-peso business that rose out of your parents' blood, sweat and tears feeds you and your siblings, you feel obliged to love your job. But the thing is this: I hate my job. 

Every Tuesday, Wednesday & Friday (I go to school Mondays & Thursdays) that I'm here, from the minute I clock in up until 5:29 pm, I am counting down until 5:30 pm, when I can leave. I don't think I'm made for this kind of work. And I won't pull the whole "corporate work is so dull blahblahblah" 1st-world-person crap on you. The thing is, I know I'm lucky to be employed and it really does help but I'm just not happy. And I hate being in the middle of family arguments, especially when it is about business--something that I couldn't care less about.

Every minute I'm here, I think about the other things I could be doing--out thrifting for the store, or at home writing, taking photographs, cooking, anythihng--and most (even studying for Chemistry) of those things sound way more appealing to me than being here and calling clients and repeatedly being bossed around. 

And so, I've come to the decision to quit my job at the end of April. I need a fresh start and I need to be brave. I want to focus on the store and this blog and filling my life with adventures

--adventures that I can dedicate my time and energy to, fully. I like running around and being busy, but only for things that I know I like doing or things that make me feel like I've contributed something to people--like literally running around Metro Manila delivering clothes, for instance. And I just don't feel that here. I am sitting put for 24 hours a week, doing what?

Anyway. :)) Have you guys ever experienced anything similar? Talk to meeee!