Brightside Entry 26: Restlessness

My mother calls me kiti-kiti which is a Filipino term for being restless; I'm always out of the house. A line from Kimya Dawson's "The Tire Swing" sums it up: I like to be gone most of the time, and you like to be home most of the time. If I stay in one place I'll lose my mind, I'm a pretty impossible lady to be with. Not to say that I'm the type of girl who parties or anything but I am the type of person who likes doing things. For instance, even if I have no class or my class is still in the afternoon, I'm usually at school 9:30 or 10:00 am anyway. I sleep late and wake up early. 

I think this might also be why almost every guy I've ever dated has been from the North--I think staying in the south would drive me insane. The only times that I don't feel restless or that I feel alright with staying in one place or relaxing are when: 1.) I am at the beach (which still entails going somewhere) 2.) I'm with Keavin (hahaha alright, cheesy but he calms me down and is also very kiti-kiti himself so I think this goes both ways) and 3.) I'm writing (I love writing; I think I would go insane if I didn't write because stillness that it offers soothes my soul--I like getting lost in the nuances of grammar or of sentence construction. This might also be the reason why it pisses me off when people talk about writing as something "epic" or "awesome" as if writing involved battling the godfather or something; I can go on an adventure any other time, writing is about stillness--for me, at least). 

Restlessness can be exhausting but it can also be the source of extreme productivity. And I think I'm happiest when I'm productive. These past few months (since November), I've been very, very happy with my life. It is this drive to fill in the units of free time that increase when you're approaching your last few terms in college that has driven me to 1.) get a part-time job at our family's consultancy firm 2.) make my blog public 3.) decide to sell things on that blog 4.) study for chemistry 5.) apply to things (don't want to jinx this, so I'll keep that bit to myself first). The result of this is that I'm dead-tired when I get home everyday but I like being tired. I would much rather be exhausted and productive than well-rested and know that I didn't do anything that day. 

I also love how my days end these days. After long days, Keav and I (he walks from his house in San Juan to his school in Quezon City everyday; he's also president of Chorale and is working on his thesis--very interesting, I read it; I'll get into that another time) save up our Globe free call so we can talk to each other for 100 minutes. <33 Lovely. Best part of the day.

I love restlessness because it allows me to feel rested, if that makes sense. :)