Things I Learned In College

So, it might be a bit too soon for this post as I am still in college but what the hell--I've less than 20 units left and I'm already working anyway. So yeah, chemistry can suck my non-existent dick (excuse my french). Hahaha

Anyway, I was thinking about the 5 years that I've spent at the University (so far) and while there are days when I'm like "Wina, for god's sake why did you shift to BS-PSYC?", nowadays I'm pretty comfortable with that decision. I wanted to be a doctor, then and I don't now and I'm perfectly fine with that. I think that while I am now 21 and was supposed to graduate when I was 19, I am glad that I was, to some extent "left behind". I may not be a dean's lister or a candidate for anything anymore, but I don't think anyone can accuse me of not learning anything. The person I was at 16, when I got to Taft is almost a complete stranger to me. 16 and 21. Huh.

Some of the things I've learned:

1.) The person who keeps quiet will always be the "bad guy". When people fight, whoever talks the most shit about the other person will always get the sympathy. Plain and simple. And this realization has made me lose all desire to ever talk about other people or to want people's sympathy. It's overrated.

2.) Please yourself. I realize that I sound very hedonistic saying this, but I don't mean over-indulge, I mean set goals for yourself and measure yourself against what you know you can or can't achieve. Also, try to know yourself. Don't ever stick with someone or keep yourself from dating someone because you're scared of what people will think. Don't be afraid to change your mind because you might look stupid. It's okay to be wrong.

3.) No one will take care of you but yourself. I was thinking about that whole odd situation a few weeks ago where I felt unsettled about that girl who wanted Keav to help her out (let's call her A, because I'm lazy to think up a codename (Chihiro, I salute you for coming up with names for everyone hahaha) and I think it's because I know how it feels to play all the roles in the "Help Me, Opposite Sex Bestfriend!" script.

I know how it feels to be the opposite sex bestfriend who is always needed--my friend with the renal disease who no longer talks to me (let's call him B hahaha) used to go crazy when I wouldn't reply to him. He used to call everyone and wonder where I was then he would lock himself up in his room and have fits of anger and sadness and I blame myself for that: not his sadness, but for allowing him to be dependent on me. Instead of really helping him out and helping him cope with things on his own, I wanted to feel wanted. And so I made him fall in love with me.

I know how it feels to be the person who is asking for help. Albeit unintentionally, I think that's what happened with me and Mr. Mentor. I loved the attention he gave me and because that attention would arrive only as a means of incentive-giving or a means of helping me out, I played the "damsel in distress" and that's why we kept in touch. I made him feel needed or special and he made me feel smart.

I also know how it feels to be one of the "bestfriends" significant other. It's funny that I'm telling this story today because it happened 2 years ago, on February 9th (my ex-boyfriend's birthday). He'd been MIA the entire weekend before his birthday and so I was surprised when he texted me back on his birthday proper. He told me that he wanted to take me out to dinner that night. But the traffic heading home to Alabang was hell and by the time we got there, I was already half-asleep. He told me that he still wanted to take me out. So we walked to his car (which was parked in McDo Alabang, I think) and tried to think of somewhere to go. Because I was starving and we usually ate at the foodcourt, me and him, I told him I'd be fine with Henlin. And he said, "Well I'd better take you somewhere better than Henlin. I mean, I treated M (his girl bestfriend) out last Saturday and we went to Conti's then had Fruits In Icecream." It felt like a slap in the face.

Anyway, I remember during one of those periods where I was terribly lonely, I talked to Cecilia, a friend of mine who is from China and lives here on her own. And one of the things she said to me was "You don't know if someone else will take care of you, so take care of yourself." And I agree with that. We take care of ourselves, we take care of each other.

4.) Life's too short to be cynical about things. I remember talking about this with Keav and how when we re-met again we were both at the same point in our lives: we'd both broken up with far too many people to be able to believe in love. Not a lot of people know this (not sure if I'd like them to, but whatever) but we initially met up with the intentions of being friends who f. Hahaha But yeah, somehow we ended up falling in love (ah yes, I just dropped the "L" word and it's not Lesbians hahaha). And I suppose it's difficult to be cynical after that.

5.) It's alright to not like or not trust people. I think it's alright to admit to yourself that there are people who you don't (or can't) like or don't (or can't) trust. I think it is a lot better than being plastic. Not to say that people shouldn't be given the benefit of the doubt, of course. But yeah. In the same way that it's alright that some people don't like you, it's also okay not to like some people as long as you aren't violent about it or anything and you accept your non-like as an opinion and not a measure of that person's goodness or anything-ness.

6.) Sleep is important. "I miss being 16," I told my friend Mitch over the phone a couple of weeks ago. "But I no longer have the energy to be 16."

To which she replied, "I don't wanna be 16 again. How inconvenient."

7.) Age is only a number. A lot of the people I've been hanging out with are younger than me--Trizha, Chihiro (hallo!), Keav, even--but really, I don't notice most of the time. Also, a lot of the people who I hang out with are older than me--Ron, Noel, Netnet, Francine, even Carlos turns out (that fucking liar hahaha)--but again, I don't really notice. And yeah, the older I get the more convinced I am that people who put a big premium on biological age are idiots. HAHAHA

And that's all I can muster for now. :))