Musings.

1. About forgetting and remembering--I was thinking about my life these past few years and found it both funny and sad that thinking about what I was doing circa 2008-2009 feels like looking into someone else's memories; I recognize the image but I can't relate to it fully. It's like watching a cartoon or a show that I used to watch as a kid and feeling nostalgia but at the same time, a sort of emptiness where actual feeling or desire or sympathy used to be. :)) Anyway, that being said, I'm grateful for that sort of forgetting. While there are times when I see photographs on Facebook of people I used to hang out with and think, "Aw, what a shame," I also know that certain friendships don't last because of the way the people involved are--not that either were wrong or anything, but just that (yes, I'm doing quite well in my Chem class) the substances involved have gone to completion; the reaction has run its course and it didn't reach a state of equilibrium. Trizha and I were at Dexact waiting out the rain yesterday and talking about how when friendships crumble or relationships go to shit, people blame themselves as a means of creating an illusion of control; believing "I must've secretly wanted it to end, if I hadn't done this or done that it would be okay" rather than "I honestly don't fucking know what happened," or "We were both terrible to each other and we don't know why." :))

I'm glad things turned out the way they did. And I'm pretty sure almost everyone who I don't hang out with or talk to anymore is equally glad that that friendship/relationship didn't last. We move on and find ourselves and people who we are able to care about better.

2. I was thinking about this blog and why I was so hesitant to put it up--I think I was afraid of what people would say; I've put up a couple of blogs before and the first time, I ended up with a stalker, the second time I ended up with the girlfriend of an ex-boyfriend sending me hatemail and hacking into my computer; things people say or do to terrorize you shouldn't control your life. I'm all for peace and love but to a certain extent, I think you have to forget other people and just do what you want. I don't want to live a life of fear of criticism--you'll never please everyone and there will be people (a lot of the time even your dearest friends) who will talk shit about you; that shouldn't keep you from living your life or doing what you want. And I like blogging--I like taking pictures of my mini-adventures and I love fashion and travelling. I love writing. I love it all and I know that some people will feel sort of resentful toward that but I just don't want to live life being afraid of doing the things I love because people will get irritated with me. Seems silly, doesn't it? 

3. People's relationships are their own business. When I was in 2nd year college, I had a friend who had a pretty set opinion about how relationships should be--meet a guy, go on a date, after a 6-month courting period, get together; no heavy petting until things are exclusive, etc. I used to admire her very much for that (part of me still does--I admire that she is able to have such a firm opinion on something, but I don't quite agree with that firm opinion); so whenever something would happen to me that wouldn't subscribe to that standard I would feel like something was wrong with me or like it wasn't right and in turn, I would pass that judgement on to other people: "isn't that a bit fast?" "don't let him do that, ewww!" But now, seeing everyone grown up, I realize that the truth is different things work for different people. 

I don't mean it's wrong to care about the relationships people get into, but that I no longer see the point in passing judgement on people just because they date people who you wouldn't date or decide to do something in a way that you wouldn't necessarily agree with. And also, on the receiving end, I don't think your relationships should be measured against other people's standards, because they will inevitably fall short as you are you and no one else. 

3. I'm so sleepy. Why do I always finish my work three hours too early? I try to spread it out during the day but always just end up finishing it right after lunch and feeling sleepy for the last two hours of work. My goodness.

Going to go get coffee now. :))