Brightside Entry 13: Trusting and being trusted

I was going to write about something else but a friend of mine who I haven't seen in a while came over after dinner and talked to me about something that she had to face tonight--a gigantic ordeal; she has to meet a man--or the man, rather--who hurt her terribly in the past. And so she came over and asked if I would mind walking her to where they were going to meet up.

It's a short walk from my house, past the park, up a couple of streets. But we were walking and I could tell she was trying to be strong even if I knew or could tell what this could possibly mean both for him and for her, this getting together and talking about things. She was angry, she told me. But also, I think that whenever there is anger there is also affection and hurt and a want for things to be different--and I admire her for that want, for that anger and for allowing herself to care so much for someone.

When we got to the place where I was supposed to drop her off, I saw his silhouette approaching us and as I turned to hug her and wish her well, I could tell that she was looking at him and that whatever happens now will make or break something for her--what that is, I'm not sure. So I told her to text me if she needed anything and headed back toward my house.

I am hopeful for her. :D

This further reminds me of what Trizha and I were talking about yesterday--that we feel very touched when people trust us with their secrets and with their hopes. And that's how I feel today. Keep it safe, keep it secret. I think Trizh was right about empathy: she said she tries to empathize a lot and so she chooses to have fewer friends, otherwise it would drive her insane trying to understand so many people. And I agree. I think the reason behind my frequent mood swings or bouts of paranoia/crazy girl-ness might owe to that; I am constantly trying to understand how people feel or what people want to say and whether I eventually understand or not, I am bombarded with the reality of misunderstandings and misconstrued statements and I get scared. I am so often rendered inarticulate by the fear of being misunderstood.

But also, I believe on a true sort of visceral level that it is important to speak and try to make yourself understood anyway. Carlos once told me (during the dark ages, as I was sitting drunk on the agno bench, sobbing into his disgusting bright green shirt hahaha) that he loved that people didn't know what people meant--that they could never fully get across the points they were trying to make because then you had to trust people to trust you, to a certain extent. You have to trust that they will try their best to understand you and that they will not push your ideas aside just because it is difficult. And even then, when they say you understand, you have to trust them to know or at least get a feel of what you mean.

I like that very much. To said friend of mine: thank you! And to all my friends, really. Thank you, thank you, thank you.